


Forgiveness

by theresalwaysaway



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Forgiveness, Gen, Healing, Post-Framework Universe (Marvel), Team Engineering's Happy Birthday Leopold Fitz, The Darkhold (Marvel), everyone is working though what happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-27 01:52:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12071250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theresalwaysaway/pseuds/theresalwaysaway
Summary: Fitz tries to unravel the framework in his mind and to make sense of it all. Some ideas inspired bya meta by AGL03on Tumblr. Part of EVB Team Engineering Fitz's Birthday Project: Fitz's Wish List. Wish: Forgiveness





	Forgiveness

Mack’s bulk barely fit behind the compressor, so he couldn't see who had entered the mechanical room without backing out entirely from where he had been working. “Hey Fitz. Something on your mind?”

Fitz’s brow was furrowed as if he were puzzling the nature of the universe. He broke away from his thoughts and asked, “Your religion. Does it help you find forgiveness?”

“We all are granted forgiveness. All you have to do is ask.”

“I’m asking. Do you forgive me?”

“Sit down.” Mack pointed with his wrench to a elevated block of concrete about two feet off the floor. It supported various tanks and electrical panels but still had a few open spots.

Fitz sat, but Mack leaned against a metal ladder leading up to the next level of equipment. “She was a beautiful little girl. I taught her to ride a bike. She’d fall and she’d get up and do it again. In the real world, she was so tiny and helpless. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. Both versions. But it doesn’t bring the same kind of pain anymore. Elena got to meet her. It was my own secret pain for so long and now, it’s good that it’s out. Mostly.”

“Wait...are you saying you’re better off?”

Mack tilted his head. “I could’ve gone to therapy a long time ago, but I didn’t, did I?”

“But you didn’t have a choice. In there.”

“Elena. I didn’t know who she was in the framework.” Mack looks down briefly and shook his head before looking up at Fitz again. “But because she was in the framework, I know her more now. She truly loves me. You know what that feels like?” He smiled, slightly incredulous at the thought.

“I thought I did. Not that I deserve it.” Fitz’s head drooped down.

Mack’s eyebrows went up. “Hey, Simmons fought for you. You must know that. She loves you! Like a fire engine to a fire—she would not be stopped.” He crouched down to look Fitz in the eye. “She would not be stopped.” Fitz dropped his gaze and Mack continued. “I learned a lot in there. I learned I don’t ever want Hydra to win. I learned I’m a good father. I learned Elena, well, she went through a lot, but she never gave up.”

“I learned people never stop betraying you. Radcliffe was the closest thing I’ll ever have to a father and he ruined it.”

Mack didn’t say anything. He just sat down next to Fitz and put his arm around him. They sat that way for a few seconds before Mack spoke. “You always have a second chance for a father-son relationship.”

“When?”

“When you have your own son.”

Fitz slowly looked up and over at Mack. “Will you help me?”

“Help you?”

“Be a good father.”

Mack’s other arm came around until Fitz was surrounded in a Mack-sized embrace. Fitz’s arms reached out to return the gesture as Mack replied, “We’ll help each other.”

* * *

Fitz found May in the rudimentary gym they managed to cobble together. It was important to her to continue to stay in shape especially in the confines of the ship. He stood off to the side until she was done counting chin-ups.

“Something bothering you?” Melinda began.

“The framework.”

She sat on a nearby bench and motioned him to sit with her.

“Why didn’t we fight it? I should have fought it!” Fitz pounded one fist into the open palm of his other hand.

“I did! They _learned_ from me, Fitz. My first time in the framework, I was in a spa! Ha! But every time I fought my way out, they’d change the framework. It was because of me that the framework world kept expanding, that’s how they finally could hold me.”

“You were in there for so long. How can you ever forgive me?”

“I should be asking for your forgiveness! Who showed Radcliffe the Darkhold? Me!” 

“When?” 

“When you and Coulson were trapped in the other dimension. He only read a little, then closed it again, saying it was too dangerous.” 

Fitz got up. “Radcliffe read it before Aida? But that’s when...what did it do to him?”

“Radcliffe became obsessed with getting his hands on that book. Radcliffe _wanted_ it to corrupt his mind! Why?”

“So he could live forever! That was his dream. And it became a nightmare for all of us. I could have prevented it.” He sat down heavily on the bench. 

“So could I! Don’t torture yourself with the thought of what could have been. I did. All my life. And the framework taught me that what could have been is not always better.” There was a new softness in her eyes. “Sometimes we just have to move forward.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do.”

“Good. Me, too.”

* * *

“Hi, Fitz,” said Daisy as he entered her office area. “That network traffic analysis you wanted is done. I’ll email you the results right now.” The spaceship had quite a bit of computing power on individual machines, but the network connecting them was less than adequate.

“That’s not why I’m here.” Fitz dropped into a chair next to her. 

“Oh.”

“But thanks. I wanted to talk about the framework. The sooner I work through it, the sooner I can move on.”

Daisy waited. “How are you today?”

“I want to ask for your forgiveness. For what I did.”

Daisy dived right in. “Fitz, she manipulated everything.”

“I know—”

“She bragged about it to me.” 

“—she was ruthless. But you got hurt!

“She claimed she could ‘fix everything’. She promised me peace and prosperity with Lincoln Campbell and no memories of anything else? What kind of Darkhold powers takes away peoples’ memories? Because Jemma and I hacked our way into the framework, she didn’t get a chance to wipe my memories. But not you! She stole actual-you and put in memories that suited her. I called her ‘the puppet master’ and she said, ‘I’m just giving people what they want.’”

“But you were tortured.”

“So were you!” She thought for a second. “Was it a happy childhood?”

“No.”

“And she knew you would never go for her unless you were as ruthless as she. So she created Alistair to make you into what _she_ wanted. It’s all so sick and twisted.”

“I was horrible to you.”

“That could never _be_ you. Look, I did some terrible things under Hive’s sway. It took me a long time to forgive myself. But eventually I realized I couldn’t keep living like that and _you_ showed me that. To me, you have _nothing_ to apologize for.”

“I hope I can get there.”

“You will. Anytime you want to talk, we’re all here for you.”

“I know.”

* * *

Jemma was reading fiction for a change. The ship had a surprisingly large collection of classics one could download if one felt inclined. She was relaxing on the bed in their shared bunk chuckling over the old school chemistry of Jules Verne when Fitz walked in. “Hey. Welcome back. How was it?” Jemma knew that Fitz was searching for answers to his time in the framework.

“Draining.” He took off his boots, climbed on top of the bed, and flopped himself on his back. 

Jemma put her tablet down. “Any new insights?”

“Little pieces. How do I make sense of it all?”

“Tell me about your childhood.” She gasped. “Oh my God, I sound like a psychiatrist. But she ‘fixed’ something, right? What did she change for you?”

“Everything. My mother was gone. She replaced you with herself because she wanted what we have. But why didn’t I do something? Why did I fall for it?” He sat up and continued his rant. “I mean it’s basic right and wrong? Why did it seem natural to torture people???” He got up from the bed and started pacing with both hands in the air. “Even brain-damaged me knew right from wrong! How could she take that away?” He pounded the closest wall with his fist before crumpling in a heap. “What if...?” was all he could say.

Jemma was at his side instantly. “Oh, Fitz.”

“Help me, Jemma.” 

“I’m here.”

“What if I can’t control it?”

“Control what?”

“The Doctor.” 

Jemma began stroking his head. “He’s gone.”

“What if he comes back?”

“He won’t.”

“How can you be sure?”

“He was only activated when the real you was suppressed. He could only exist with the framework hijacking your brain.” 

“She said, ‘Every decision I made was my own.’” 

“That was the Darkhold talking. That’s what Ophelia wanted you to think. Ophelia the kidnapper, Ophelia corrupted-by-the-Darkhold-master-manipulator. Don’t listen to her! _She_ was the only one who could say ‘every decision was my own’. Everyone and everything else was manipulated or taken advantage of by her to get her way!”

“She said she was a slave.”

“She enslaved everyone! She decided the parameters for everyone’s lives in the framework. And if it didn’t go the way she wanted, she ‘fixed’ it.” Jemma used air quotes around the word “fixed”, but Fitz didn’t notice.

Finally he looked up. “She said ‘It was learned behavior, programmed into you by an overbearing father figure.’ How am I not like Ward?”

“Of course Ophelia would say that. And _who_ programmed your father? Her! She didn’t give your hijacked mind a choice!” 

They’ve discussed the framework and choice in the past, but the Ward comparison was new. Jemma pondered the situation before answering.  
“When _you_ are given a choice, you choose to _save_ people. You tried to teach Ophelia to do the same. The only good thing Ophelia ever did was under _your_ influence. Otherwise, Ophelia only chose what she wanted, what made her feel good. And if _your_ choice didn’t make _her_ feel good, well, we saw what happened. Ward never gave anyone else a choice, either. He always chose what was best for him. _Ophelia_ was just like Ward, not you!”  
She resumed stroking his hair as she continued softly, “You have your brain back now. Your wonderful incredible brain. And your heart and your mind and your strength. They are all yours, no one else’s. Now, what do _you_ think? Was every decision your own?”

Abruptly his head comes up and he looks right into her eyes. “I would _never_ do those things!”

“Exactly.”

“I’ve always had a temper, though.” He sighs and leans on one arm with his hand on the floor.

“That was a pre-existing condition. Yes. But Fitz, but with you there’s usually a valid reason. You see things that aren’t right and, well, you flare up. It’s completely rational.”

“Jemma.”

“Yes?”

“Will you forgive me?” He can’t look at her. He’s so quiet, she has to ask him to repeat it.  


She blinks a few times to process it. “Yes, of course. Well, no. You don’t need it!”

“What can I get forgiveness for? Cause I _do_ need it. I trusted Radcliffe, right? That’s on me. I thought if I kept an eye on him…I put everyone at risk. We lost good agents, we lost Mace!”

“ _You_ didn’t put anyone at risk. Radcliffe did! You didn’t know _he_ was going to read the Darkhold. That’s on him. If he hadn’t wanted the Darkhold power for himself, it would have turned out much differently, right? If it helps, yes, I forgive you for trusting Radcliffe. We all did. Even Mace! How could any of us have known? Radcliffe broke his agreement on supervised research. How dare he put you in such a position! He _wanted_ us to know about Aida. But you chose to protect both him and me. But who protected you, Fitz? Who protected you?”

Jemma was suddenly aware of how close she came to losing him and embraced him fiercely. He tentatively hugged her back. “I could’ve lost you and I need you. I need you so much. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he whispered.

She loosened the embrace a bit so she could look into his eyes. “But it’s more than that, too. I’d like to think that I’m a strong independent woman. But…” She trailed off.

“But nothing. Of course you are.”

“I’m not that strong. Not that strong. Please don’t go anywhere.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Jemma took a deep cleansing breath and dropped one arm to begin fiddling with the hem of her shirt. “I’m sorry, too. Will you forgive me?”

“For what?”

“I was so angry with you and I had no right to be.”

“When?”

“I thought you were just being overly obsessed with your robot toys and it turned out you were right. Radcliffe did change Aida’s programming behind your back. But you felt you couldn’t share that with me and…”

“...you want us to share everything.”

“Yes.”

“Every half-baked theory?”

“Yes! Especially the half-baked ones, you know I only want to help.” Jemma stood up and offered her hand to help Fitz up.

As he took her hand and stood, he said, “I regret not telling you sooner. I just thought I needed more evidence. I never wanted to hide anything from you.”

“Of course not,” she said, squeezing his hand.

Jemma led him over to the bed where they sit. As she settled in, she said, “Okay, solemn pledge. No more secrets?”

“No more secrets.” They fell toward one another in a natural embrace.

“Unless it’s my birthday,” Jemma whispered in his ear.

He pulled back, smiling for the first time in a long time, “Or Christmas.”

Jemma returned the smile with a glimmer in her eye as she thought _Or anniversary!_


End file.
